Reflection, imitation and experience

Now that I'm settled into the routine of the school year, it's time to look back at the last two years. I'm back full time in the library at my school after two years of being a District Coordinator for a particularly unpopular online course required for graduation. The school district reconfigured Distributed Learning and my position was rolled into a different position for which I was not considered. I understand why and while I was disappointed by it, life rolls on and I was returning to a position I truly enjoy!

The two years were very challenging and I've been happy to let go of the mess that continues to exist and will likely continue until the course is erased as a graduation requirement, likely at the end of this school year or the next. It's very satisfying to redirect colleagues to others by saying it isn't my responsibility anymore. It's also lovely to simply be honest and say what the problems are without having to worry about being PC.

I loved the opportunities to work around the district in various buildings and see what works in various schools. The feel of each building is unique and reminds me that my own school's culture is not the "be all, end all." There are many wonderful teacher and administrators working to help students and there are some amazing students finding great solutions to the problems they are encountering. I learned a lot about strategies to listen to angry people without taking the anger personally. I learned to breathe through emotions and listen carefully. This was important for me.

The damage done in the last two years to my confidence, however, has been harder to live with and heal. Even knowing the behaviour patterns of a particular leader and having that leader claim that lessons had been learned about the implications of those patterns, I fell into my own personal trap. I believed that I could protect myself from those patterns and even more arrogantly that I wouldn't mirror the worst of that behaviour. I acted badly with the colleague who supports me most closely, in a vain attempt to promote myself and believed that acting on the "every person for him/herself" thoughts encouraged by this school leader would get me further ahead. Ahead of what, I'm not certain now.

I do know that at the end of the two year period, I am happy to step back and leave pursuit of school administration work to people who seem to be ok with the dichotomy of school politics: business model vs social service.

It's great to be back to promoting literacy, digital citizenship, social justice and just interacting with students and being myself.